I’ve been fine

Really. All day. Then a twitter notification popped up on my phone from Peter in regards to Briarmeadow’s back-to-school professional development. Annnndddd I lost it. Rewashing the dishes that were once clean and now have big, salty tear drops on them.

Damnit. I made it all the way to 5 PM without shedding a tear. And that’s including the moment in the car park of TK Maxx when I was holding Mia (I made Mia shimmy into some jeans this morning and they worked great when she was standing up but legs bent in the holding position was pushing denim into places that didn’t make her happy so she was screaming) and Brooks was screaming about putting on his jacket in the rain and a stranger walked up to me and asked if he could help me by holding Mia until I dealt with the puddle of Brooks that formed on the asphalt.

I wiped the tears and mascara away and took some deep breaths when Jamie said that the staff wanted to FaceTime. I didn’t make it a whole second before I started crying. Seeing my former coworkers friends’ faces simultaneously elated and deflated my heart. And that damn birthday song that’s part of Briarmeadow culture really put me over the edge. I wish I was with them. I wish that Brooks was looping with his same teacher that made him feel so loved and made him want to try his best for her. I wish I was working today in scorching Houston instead of breathing in the beauty of Scotland. I wish I was working my ass off to see all of the summer plans coming into fruition instead of a to-do list with nothing on it.

For the record, I didn’t feel this way yesterday. Yesterday, I was happy to travel a short distance to Banchory for the Banchory Beer Festival with kids’ activities and live music. Yesterday I was happy to be sipping on prosecco in 60 degree weather and not worried about the possibility of having a hangover today.

But today I feel a void.

One Comment

  1. Carolyn Larsen says:

    Sending hugs…I wish I could take away the pain, but you are on this life journey that is going to force you to grow in unexpected and wonderful ways. Trust the journey…I love you!

    Liked by 1 person

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